On introspection..

Blank

Blinded, muted,dumbed

by a sense of powerlessnes

powerlessness or affability?

weakness or inner beauty?

non-aggressiveness or serenity?

A weakness that forgives,

doesnt punish,

that pleases to please,

that sacrifices the self of an ego,

the selfless ego?

Or a cloud of hatred,

of trifle anger

that doesnt forgive,

doesnt forget,

that punishes with 

a tool self defeating.

The wrath that bounds back on the perpetrator

that is neither subtle nor discreet

An ocean emptied of water

emptied of life..

Look down at that vast expanse

of whiteness 

beneath ur eyes

of the river flowing 

not as one but still in a single file

pruned

and then it bifurcates

into vein upon vein of 

madness jumping to its end

of knived red straight lines on that river ,

that expanse of whiteness.

of criss crosses,

cross-hairs,

of crossroads to confuse passer-bys

of unloading the burden,

the sediment to be spilled out 

the river to be unburdened

or perhaps emptied

the burden loaded on

in a moment of the past

in a loveless adoloscense

of burden carried 

in tears frozen in the eyes

becoming diamonds,glass diamonds,fake glass diamonds

that pierce unto blindness

the head bowed in meekness to see only the ground beneath

and feel the sack ,the dangling sack of sword 

that holes through amid shreiking winds of despair

of a longing for the look of the sky,of wings,of arms that fly

Of trying to stand up for myself

But still arched,bent over

into a dome of submissiveness

load upon load of bodies,

of guilt-ridden glasses of red wine;

of the burden of bricks of faces,

the illusion of walking sticks,

of arms holding me in a cradle

There's no cradle

free me,i cry

free me..

give me ur blood to live,i spilled mine

give me ur eyes to see ,i sold mine

give me ur legs to stand,i rusted mine

give me life,i cry

but no-one did

or u did

Still it couldnt be mine

It never could be

dat blood, those eyes, this life 

transfused but alien

alienated

though cup upon cup did i drink 

yet i fell powerless, armless

there never could be a cradle 

Little did i realise

the secret of those eyes,those signs

blinded by an indifference,a vacuum of rejection

of escape,of denial

a passive spectator

with eyes that have severed links with the mind

of mind that has broken away from consciousness

Unassertive

non-existential

invisible

dullened into a glass half filled half darkened

In a jungle of fear filled yellow flies

or bulbs of light in bulbs of flowers

fear of getting pricked 

of wild animals

of shadows

of darkness

of movement 

of making my presence felt

of defense

of offense

of making a noise, a squeak,

of breathing..

of fear filled yellow flies.

free me,i cry

free me..

there's no one to untie the knots

No one to hear the cries

Make me realise that

there's no one to make me alive.

Make me know,

Make me not hope.

But there's no one to make it known,

No one to help it cure.

That mildew of gloom won't go

It has taken a life of its own

My life

i've lost the tug of war

But i shall rise

from the depths of my macabre grave.

On my own

Someday,i will be Christ..

P.S.- The inspiration for this post was a glance over in which i was the invisible ghost.. And I  realised i'm a ghost by choice but i've never wanted to be one..